Not all repetition is bad. It can be used to emphasize or connect important ideas, like \u201cI have a dream\u201d in MLK\u2019s best-known speech. But most of the time, it\u2019s simply clutter.<\/p>\n
You want the reader so immersed in your story that they forget they\u2019re reading words on a page. Anything that reminds them of your fingers on the keyboard MUST go.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ll look at four types of undesired repetition today:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t tell us we had a test today,\u201d Susie said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve reminded you every day for a week,\u201d Mrs. Wilson said.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is totally unfair,\u201d Susie said.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]Already tired of reading that? Your English teacher might have written \u201csaid\u201d on a paper gravestone and hung a laminated poster with alternative words. She praised you when your characters remarked, bellowed, sneered, groaned, spat, hissed, and growled.<\/p>\n
These alternatives can certainly come in handy. By themselves, however, they don\u2019t solve the real problems:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]\u201cClear your desks,\u201d Mrs. Wilson commanded. “It’s time for our unit test on Shakespeare.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYou didn\u2019t tell us we had a test today,\u201d Susie complained.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve reminded you every day for a week,\u201d Mrs. Wilson admonished.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is totally unfair,\u201d Susie muttered.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]Much more pressing than the many “saids” are the repetition of sentence structure and the use of dialogue tags in Every. Single. Sentence. What about this instead:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]Mrs. Wilson tapped her meter stick against the chalk tray, and student heads popped up like meerkats scenting a predator. \u201cClear your desks,\u201d she said. “It’s time for our unit test on Shakespeare.”<\/p>\n
Susie\u2019s mouth fell open. \u201cYou didn\u2019t tell us we had a test today!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve reminded you every day for a week.\u201d The teacher walked to the end of the row and began counting out test papers.<\/p>\n
Susie slumped in her seat. \u201cThis is totally unfair.\u201d[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]After I removed 75% of the dialogue tags, how did you know who was talking in those lines? Through the characters\u2019 actions, which also help paint a picture of the classroom. Sometimes you can also omit the actions and just have dialogue. The key is to vary your approach.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n
(No, I\u2019m not answering it for you. Go count.)<\/p>\n
The many Mrs. Wilsons probably jumped out at you because you read the paragraph with fresh eyes. You might be surprised at how many good writers do it, though.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s like this. You write, rewrite, ponder a single sentence for thirty minutes, and eventually finish a scene over a period of days or weeks. You\u2019re too close to it. You don\u2019t realize how many times you\u2019ve forgotten to use a pronoun.<\/p>\n
My rule of thumb when editing is to use a character\u2019s name no more than once per paragraph; less, if I can get away with it. Here\u2019s the edited version:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]The bell rang. Mrs. Wilson closed the door and strode to her desk. As students chatted and pulled out books, she wiggled the mouse to wake up her computer. Before she could click on the attendance tab, however, she saw that a new email had arrived. \u201cWe need to talk\u201d glared at her in bold from the subject line. Sender: Principal Ames. She gripped the mouse. No. She wasn\u2019t going to read this in front of the students. She clicked the attendance tab and tried to forget about the little time bomb in her inbox.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]Sometimes this doesn\u2019t work. You might have multiple characters acting and speaking, in which case pronouns can become confusing. Let\u2019s assume Principal Ames is a woman:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]Mrs. Wilson knocked tentatively on Principal Ames\u2019 door. \u201cCome in,\u201d said the principal. Mrs. Wilson wondered if the principal\u2019s voice was angry or stern. Maybe Mrs. Wilson was just reading into the principal\u2019s voice. Calm down<\/em>, Mrs. Wilson thought. She straightened her shoulders and turned the knob.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]Look at all the contortions and repetitions I used to keep the \u201cshes\u201d straight. Sometimes it helps to rename the characters or revise to avoid naming them at all:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]Mrs. Wilson knocked tentatively on Principal Ames\u2019 door. \u201cCome in.\u201d Was her voice angry? Stern? Maybe I\u2019m just reading into it. Calm down.<\/em> The teacher straightened her shoulders and turned the knob.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]We didn\u2019t need \u201csaid the principal\u201d because the reader will assume the principal is responding to the knock. The next couple of \u201cMrs. Wilsons\u201d are easy enough to drop, especially when we turn some of the indirect quotes of her thoughts into direct ones (italicized). The final \u201cMrs. Wilson\u201d becomes \u201cThe teacher.\u201d[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]\n One client described characters\u2019 thoughts \u201ccarouseling\u201d in their heads\u2014effective and original the first time, but less so after three or four instances. Another’s characters snapped their heads around in surprise six or eight times. In most cases like these, my advice is to change all but one or two.<\/p>\n Pet words can be the hardest type of repetition for the author herself to recognize. Be on the lookout, but this might be something your editor or beta readers catch for you.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]\n Likewise, if your character starves to death, he dies of hunger to death. (Look it up.)<\/p>\n Other common examples:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]He shrugged his shoulders. (As opposed to shrugging his knees?)<\/p>\n She squinted her eyes. (As opposed to squinting her thumbs?)<\/p>\n He nodded his head. (I think you\u2019re getting the idea.)[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]You might want to consult this list of 200 common redundancies in English while editing:[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/2″][vc_column_text]https:\/\/www.thoughtco.com\/common-redundancies-in-english-1692776<\/a><\/strong>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/4″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]There are exceptions, of course. People say \u201cATM machine\u201d all the time, so using it in dialogue is an authentic touch. PLEASE don\u2019t mess up dialogue by making it sound like an academic essay! Real people use language imperfectly; so should your characters (to some extent, but we’ll talk about this more in another blog post).<\/p>\n That concludes your guided tour of the Department of Redundancy Department! Now go trim that fat out of your manuscript.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\nPet Words<\/strong><\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]We all tend to reuse certain words. Sometimes this kind of repetition becomes an endearing catch phrase, like Sheldon Cooper saying, \u201cThat\u2019s my spot.\u201d More often, however, these pet words distract the reader.<\/p>\n
Hidden Redundancy<\/strong><\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1\/6″][\/vc_column][vc_column width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]These repetitions are difficult to spot because they’re hidden within acronyms or word definitions. You might already be familiar with the most famous example, \u201cATM machine.\u201d Since \u201cATM\u201d stands for \u201cautomated teller machine,\u201d you\u2019re actually saying \u201cautomated teller machine machine.\u201d So just say your character stops at the ATM on the way to the theater.<\/p>\n